Posts from — August 2008

Invitations: A Gem of a Printer

by Gillian

In the wake of Nicole’s wedding, after seeing how much work these shenanigans really take, I resolved to get crackalackin’ on all the to-do list I’ve been avoiding. Well, I still can’t quite make time to sit down and do the first pre-cana lesson, but that time will come. Let’s not get too crazy.

Lately, everyone has been expecting me to know the answers to pesky questions like, “Where should I stay when I come in town?” and “When are you sending out save-the-dates so I can book my flight?” Jesus, people, you ask so much of me! Crawling into a fetal position and rocking back and forth in the corner didn’t seem to deter anyone, so Brian and I decided we should send out our save-the-dates soon. Those will list the date and the wedding Web site address (featuring hotel information and other useful tidbits), thus buying a little time before we have to send out the actual invitations.

Bri has been trying to stalk New Orleans printers for the last few weeks, but they apparently don’t respond well to this newfangled “e-mail” thing. I put it off for as long as possible, then grudgingly stopped by one business yesterday after work. It’s called Gem Printing and is located in Metairie, what I consider the armpit of the New Orleans metro area. I tried to overcome this by imagining the store staffed by the cast of Jem:

Sadly, this was not the case. The gentleman who waited on me has obviously been in the wedding invitation business a long time (which I’m sure will take a toll on a person), and he was dead set on telling me what I want and what I should and shouldn’t do. Our conversation went something like this:

Me: My fiance is designing our save-the-dates and invitations. Since he’s a graphic designer, he wants to have all the fonts consistent throughout all pieces. Would you be able to print addresses on the envelopes if we give you an Excel or Word doc with all of them?

Gem Guy: We print return addresses on all the envelopes.

Me: No, I mean if we wanted to print the addresses we’re sending invitations to in a certain typeface, would you be able to do that?

GG: Oh, you don’t want to do that. You never want to do that.

Me: See, but I do want to do that. Can you print addresses on the envelopes? How much would that cost? (trying to emphasize that it’s not that I don’t know the rules; I’m just choosing to ignore them)

GG: You should never print addresses. You should always handwrite them. Trust me, you don’t want to print them.

Me: Can you. Or. Can. You. Not. Print. Addresses.

GG: No, we can’t. It’s not possible the way our equipment is set up.

Me: OK. That was my question. Now about the paper sizes…

GG: And before you bring in your final design, you’re gonna want to bring in a draft so I can edit it.

Me: Exsqueeze me? (translation: “Don’t you know who I AM?”)

GG: So I can edit it. You guys will probably make a lot of little mistakes on how you word wedding invitations. It’s just a lot different than how you write other things. Trust me. I’ve been doing this a long time. I can fix it for you.

Me: That won’t be necessary. It will be correct and the way we want it when (IF) I bring it in. We’re not using traditional standards for a lot of our phrasing (translation: I think it’s freaking ridonkulous to write out “two thousand and nine” when I would never do that under any other circumstances), so I’ll just save you the time.

GG: Yeah, just bring it in and I’ll take a look at it.

Me: Anyway, can we get larger cards the same size as the save-the-dates for our maps and directions? Can you print double-sided?

GG: Oh no, you shouldn’t use something that big. You should use the 3×5 cards we use for RSVPs. You don’t have to include every little street on the map. If you use the big card for the directions, it’ll compete with your invitation. See, you want to build all the other pieces around the invitation…

Me: We want the larger card. Can. You. Print. On. Both. Sides.

GG: Yes.

Me: OK then. What kind of digital file do you want for the design? Illustrator? PDF? JPEG? TIFF?

GG: A JPEG or TIFF will work. But you need to make sure you bring in the text so I can edit it before you bring in the final file. (Speaking slowly now, so I can understand) You see, once it’s in JPEG or TIFF format, I can resize it, but I can’t edit the words.

Me: (blink blink)

And that’s around the time I wanted to do something like this:

The problem is, this place comes recommended, it’s pretty cheap and most of the other NOLA printers specialize in commercial work. On the other hand, I probably don’t want to feel murderous rage every time I look at my wedding invitations. Advice? Words of wisdom? Sedatives?

August 22, 2008 11 Comments

Maid of Honor Wisdom

by Gillian

My best friend from high school, Nicole, got married this past weekend, and I was her maid of honor (bless her heart, she asked me even though she knows me so well). This summer, three of my high school girlfriends tied the knot, with another in the queue for fall 2009. I remember hearing a couple years ago that weddings, babies and divorces all come in waves. I find two of those things pretty unpleasant right now, so I guess I should be grateful I’m only in the wedding wave.

Still, it was surreal to see Nicole put on her grandmother’s wedding dress and walk down the aisle. Even though I’m about to do the same thing in a few months, I kept thinking, “Wait a minute! We just learned to drive the other day. We just did this hair and make-up stuff for prom a little while ago! What do you mean *NSYNC broke up?”

Homecoming 2000, wedding 2008, what’s the diff?

Crazy internal monologue aside, it was a beautiful wedding—classy, personal and definitely “them.” I’ve never been in a wedding before and I’m obviously a little inept with some of these chick things, so it was a great crash course in how it all works.

Here are the major lessons I learned:

1. Expect that people who have not RSVP’d will show up at the last minute.

Yep, the response deadline had come and gone a month ago, but sure enough, three days before the wedding, a few relatives popped up and decided they were in the mood for a party. And wanted to bring a date. Or two. I decided if you account for a few of these etiquette-challenged asses showing up for the wedding, you won’t be freaking out over where they’re going to sit or what they’re going to eat. Personally, I think they should have to sit at their own “time-out” table and eat gruel, but that’s just me.

2. The week before the wedding, all preparatory activities should be accompanied by mojitos.

There are many reasons why I love Nicole—her affinity for car dancing, her lack of internal monologue around obnoxious people—but her to-do list for the last few days before the wedding might top them all.

• Finish decorating the jam jars (the wedding favors)
• Mojitos
• Buy Slurpees
• Spend Victoria’s Secret gift certificate
• Make table numbers
• Drinks
• Write packing list
• Buy champagne

So we drank mojitos at 2 p.m. while I tied ribbons on jam jars and she wrote thank-you notes. And we sipped 32-ounce Slurpees while bra shopping at Victoria’s Secret. No big deal.

3. Never, under any circumstances, rely on Kinko’s for anything other than sucking.

I had kind of assumed that only the New Orleans Kinko’s staff was incompetent, lazy and rude, but it turns out, those qualities are required of their employees nationwide! Talk about brand consistency. Brian has a long history of Kinko’s screwing up his design projects, and I’ve had a few charming run-ins with them as well, so I was concerned when Nicole said they were printing their ceremony programs there. True to form, they kept postponing when it would be ready, only to tell her eventually, “Oh, we can’t do it. There’s no way with that card stock.” Two days before the wedding. Kinko’s: printing :: Paris Hilton: thinking.

4. Have the hair and make-up people come to you.

I keep reading budget wedding tips about how you should go to the salon with your bridal party the day of the wedding to have your hair and make-up done because it’s cheaper and blah blah blah. This is true, I’m sure, but the last thing I want to do the morning of my wedding is schlep all over the city getting prettified. You people can come to me, and bring me a latte while you’re at it. It’s my special day! Pay attention to me!

5. Two words: party bus.

Their wedding was at the Fordham Chapel in the Bronx, and the reception was at the Newark Museum in New Jersey, so Nicole and Andy arranged for buses to transport everyone from the hotel to the church to the museum and back. It’s a decent drive from Point A to Point B, so the groomsmen made sure to stock coolers of beer and champagne for the after-ceremony drive. Our church is only a mile from the reception venue, but it would still be pretty nice for guests to not have to worry about transportation at all. I’ll look into it. Plus, the party bus offers great photo opps like these:

Congrats to the newlyweds! Love you both and hate you for being in Fiji right now.

August 14, 2008 6 Comments

The Elusive Wedding Web Site

by Gillian

I started a free wedding Web site on ewedding.com today, but I already secretly have my eye on upgrading to a hotter, richer, more muscular model. For just $4.95 to $14.95 a month, we can get a whole array of features, including our own domain name. I figured I’d keep it simple and just use our first names– gillianandbrian.com. Imagine my surprise when I discover that some other couple getting married (allegedly also named Gillian and Brian) already ganked the domain name! Who are these imposters?