Category — navy

Brian and I have been married for three years, and we’re nearing 30, so the question of children comes up more and more frequently these days. Many of our friends are starting to have babies (or at least starting to think seriously about having babies), so it’s a hot topic of conversation. This is all normal and fine. We’re not there yet, but I do like talking with friends or family members about future plans, and I don’t mind good-natured kidding about the imminent pitter-patter of little feet. I get jokes.

What I do not like, however, is total strangers or remote acquaintances prying into my reproductive plans. It happens all the time, and it’s rude and it’s weird and it’s none of their business. Apparently, after you’ve been married five minutes, people who know nothing about you think it’s OK to discuss your lady parts. This is how the conversation usually goes:

Woman I’ve Never Met Before (at a party or barbecue or Navy function): So, do you have children?

Me: No, not yet.

Woman: How long have you been married? When are you going to have kids? You shouldn’t wait too long, you know! Young people always think they have so much time, but by 35… (knowing chuckle, implication that my uterus will become menacing and inhospitable any minute now)

Me: Well, we’ve only been married three years, so we’re not in a hurry. Plus, we’re really enjoying living in Italy and traveling and drinking wine and eating unpasteurized cheese… (trying to change the subject) Speaking of which, do you have any fun trips planned soon…?

Woman: Well, you say that now, but I know so many couples who have gotten pregnant here! There must be something in the water.

Me: (Blink, blink)

Stop SAYING that. I can’t count the number of times I have heard that idiotic phrase in Hawaii and now in Naples, almost always from Navy folks and their spouses. There is nothing in the water. Navy people just have a lot of babies. There is no need to make up silly explanations for it; I know how this works.

I always want to respond: You know what I take with my water? Whiskey and Ortho Tri-Cyclen.

Photo credit

Hey, remember that time we moved to Italy?

Pozzuoli town

Waterfront Pozzuoli

Yeah… that was awesome.

We fell in love with the first place we looked at, signed the lease before Christmas and officially moved in after traveling over the holidays. So this is home now.

We are still figuring out the little things, like how to leave the house without tripping the (very loud) alarm or where to drop our trash or when the phone and Internet services will actually start working, but it has been an easier transition than expected.

We have electricity, heat and running water, and I have a USB Internet key for my laptop that works most of the time (thank the Baby Jesus). Our household goods shipment from Hawaii won’t arrive until the end of January or beginning of February, but we have loaner furniture from the Navy to get us by in the meantime. Of course we still speak next to no Italian, but we’re working on it, and our adorable landlords, Luigi and Eva, and Luigi’s brother who lives next door have been unfailingly kind and patient and helpful in trying to understand us and going out of their way to get us settled.

And when things get rough, I can just go out onto the terrace, drink a glass of wine and gaze at the Mediterranean.

Living room

Dining room portion of the living room

Doors onto the living room terrace

Kitchen

View out the kitchen window

Stairs (this is the first time I’ve ever lived in a two-story house)

There isn’t anything in the guest room at this point, except a dresser, a wardrobe and an air mattress (for guests who arrive before the bed does).

View out the guest room window

Our bedroom

Bedroom terrace

Rooftop terrace (you’d better believe we’re putting a huge table up here for dinner parties when the weather gets nice… and when we have friends)

Views from rooftop terrace

Buon Anno from bella Italia! Come visit soon.

After an excruciating, seemingly neverending game of billet roulette, Brian and I have emerged victorious. We’re moving to Italy, baby! We win! (Of course, our back-up plan was to stay here in Hawaii, so there was no real “losing” in this scenario… I do so hate losing.)

Pozzuoli, the gorgeous little town outside Naples where we hope to live

Brian initially got assigned to a sweet shore duty job in Pearl Harbor, which would have allowed him to have a fairly normal schedule– reasonable hours, no more duty days and large blocks of time off. It was a great job in a great location, but we were still a little disappointed. I know, who is disappointed by living in Hawaii for two more years? Call us spoiled and ungrateful, but we really had our hearts set on living abroad.

On to Plan B: Brian threw his hat in the ring for a flag aide position (working for an admiral) in Naples and, after a lot of “oh no, it’s not available anymore,” “oh yes, it is,” he applied, interviewed and got the job. So we’re moving to Naples! For three years! I have been speaking in exclamation points a lot lately because I’m so excited. I can’t wait to learn a new language, live in a new country, travel like crazy and eat and drink everything in sight. Mmm, pizza, gelato, mozzarella, wine, limoncello, gnocchi. Did I mention Naples is a stone’s throw away from Rome, Capri and the Amalfi Coast? Cannot. Wait. It is going to be an incredible experience, and I feel like we just won the lottery.

There are only a couple drawbacks:

1. We move really soon… in a month to be exact. It’s hard to process the fact that we have to leave this amazing place and our awesome friends so soon. Plus, we have a very long list of things we have to do before moving two oceans away, which is a little stressful (we have a “fun” to-do list and a “not fun” to-do list; guess which one is longer). We had hoped to have a few more months to say a proper farewell, but we’ll make the most of our remaining time.

2. It will be sad to be so far away from friends and family for so long. I’m sure I will have bouts of homesickness, and it will be tough not being able to fly home as frequently as I can here. California and Hawaii will be quite a trek from Italy, but on the bright side, we will actually be closer to East Coast and Southern friends and family than we are now. We also expect (demand, really) lots of visitors. We have had more than 25 people visit us in the year and a half we’ve lived in Hawaii, so we hope for even better showing in Naples. Consider that a challenge, folks. This time we’ll make everyone sign a guest book.

My head is still spinning, but it’s finally starting to sink in. I’ll write more as we get closer to the move; in the meantime, please feel free to share any Italy tips or recommendations. Grazie mille!

Photo courtesy of jimmyg‘s Flickr account

I’d like to preface the following with the important fact that most of the Navy wives I have met here are damn cool ladies. They are smart and funny and independent and generally awesome people. They are women I would want to be friends with, whether or not our husbands shared an occupation, and for that I am very grateful.

That said, what’s the deal with some of these other Navy wives? Have I somehow stumbled into a Lifetime original series?

On the one hand, it can be comforting to talk to women who know exactly what you are going through– excruciatingly long deployments, bureaucratic red tape, ridiculous difficulty planning anything further than two weeks in advance. On the other hand, that can’t be all we have to talk about.

I’ve been a little unsettled by the Navy wives I’ve met here who don’t seem to have an identity outside of being a Navy wife. Instead of asking what I do for a living or what my interests are, they ask what my husband does on the ship and where we have been stationed in the past. They sign emails “Have a great Navy day!” and drop acronyms I don’t understand into normal conversation. They form hierarchies based on the rank of their husbands instead of on any merits of their own. I kind of want to shake them and scream, “We are not in the Navy!” If Brian talked this much to his friends about my job, I would be seriously concerned about him.

Honestly, I find it a little insulting. The Navy may play a large role in my life right now, whether I like it or not, but it is not actually my life. I do not work on a ship; therefore, I find talking incessantly about what happens on a ship strange and annoying. Bottom line: I don’t really care what your husband does; I want to know who you are. What do you like to do? What do we have in common? I was a complete person before I married into this role, and I plan to remain that way. I have a job, I have hobbies, I have dreams… and believe it or not, all these things are not wrapped up in my “hubby’s” job (related note: the word “hubby” makes my skin crawl; don’t do it).

It’s funny because the possibility that I might someday become a Navy wife has been a running joke with our friends since Brian and I started dating back in college. Haha, the barefoot NorCal feminist is going to have to learn to be a proper lady and not say outlandish things at dinner with the admiral. Kind of like “Pretty Woman,” except for the minor detail that I am not a hooker.

We all joked about the Navy wife stereotype, but I didn’t actually expect it to be true in real life. I don’t know how to cope with it aside from what I’m already doing: bitching/laughing about it, hanging out with people I like and avoiding the others like the plague. Other suggestions are welcome.

Poor Dahlgren. This place already gets such a bad rap with the Navy folks that I feel like I’m kicking a lame puppy every time I mock it. I may have been too harsh when I called it “the armpit of the East Coast.” Yes, it is in the middle of frickin’ nowhere, 45 minutes away from civilization or a decent meal, but on the whole, Dahlgren has actually been pretty good to us.

Dinner in Colonial Beach

I’ll admit I’ve had some low moments where I desperately miss friends and family and basic social interaction, but they usually pass pretty quickly. Life is simple and pleasant here most of the time, and I decided to make a list of things I like about our Dahlgren existence so I can refer to it whenever I’m feeling like Debbie Downer.

1. Quality Time

Brian and I get two whole months together in the same place before our next forced separation, which is a huge deal. A week or two after we arrive in Hawaii, he’ll have to fly out to meet his ship for the last three months of its deployment. I’m determined to appreciate this time, because in another month, I will be longing for more evenings watching “NCIS” reruns together.

Oh no! That’s not Brian. I swear he’s just a friend. 

Check out our fancy digs: the office/living room/dining room

The first time we’ve gotten to unpack our suitcases in months

2.  Reunions

We have gotten to see so many of our friends and family members over the last few weeks. We spent Easter with Brian’s family and a few friends in Fairfax, went out with the crazy Woodson High gang in Arlington, camped and brewery toured with our favorite New Jerseyites in Rehoboth Beach, dined with Brian’s war buddy in Richmond, caught up with my grandparents in Laurel and tore up D.C. with old friends from both coasts. It’s rare that I get to spend this much time on the East Coast, and it’s a pretty incredible opportunity to see everyone before we take off again.

Getting into trouble with the Fairfax kids

Uncle Brian with two of his cutie-pie nephews

Aw, Lil Lisa sleeping off her Easter food coma

Yay, puzzles are fun!

We’re in Delaware

A-mazing camp breakfast of bacon, eggs and more bacon

California girls are a force to be reckoned with

Cynthia and Stu putting “Dancing With the Stars” to shame

Mini Camp RAD reunion!

3. Dinners

Sometimes I miss having dozens of options of where to eat, drink and be merry, but sometimes it’s nice to narrow those options. And when I say “narrow down,” I mean “eliminate.” There is no fabulous sushi restaurant down the road and no Reginelli’s to deliver take-out here, so we are forced to cook our own well-balanced meals like responsible adults. We have only two burners and a microwave, but we have managed to cook some pretty fabulous dinners: gnocchi with healthy-ish alfredo sauce and veggies, Spanish tortilla, shrimp stir-fry, even some Zatarain’s gumbo. Often our friends Heather and Amy join us, we open a bottle of wine and we make a party out of it.

Our luxurious kitchen 

Mmmm… tortilla

4. Books

Wait, what are these “books” you speak of? You mean the ones with the pages? That aren’t on a screen? I read and write things for a living, and I am ashamed to admit how infrequently I pick up an actual book these days. Since I have so little to do in the evenings here, I have had a lot more time and motivation to read. I picked up a stack of novels and short stories from the itty-bitty library on base, and I’ve been reading a few chapters every night. I’m almost done with “Tender is the Night” (partially inspired by the time Fitzgerald spent in Antibes Juan-les-Pins, where I went last October) and the second half of “Eat, Pray, Love” is next on my list. Reading feels like such a luxury after depriving myself for so long, and I am loving the indulgence.

Moral of the story: I’m pretty happy here; with the right people, some good food and a little bit of red wine, you can make anywhere fun.

I had the honor of receiving my very first Navy memo (sorry, sorry, “all hands bulletin” in non-civilian speak) today. Unlike in the movies or on “NCIS,” it was not a curt, official statement full of acronyms. It was actually a longwinded, passive-aggressive scolding that made me think I might lose my allowance money if I don’t shape up and stop using headphones on base.

No iPod for you

A little background: we’re staying in the middle of nowhere, or a naval base in Dahlgren, Virginia, for two months while Brian learns about fascinating Navy things. Where is Dahlgren, you ask? I have no idea, but its hot spots include an Arby’s, a Burger King and a Food Lion. That’s if you can get off base. We have no car here, so we are limited to the simple pleasures of cooking dinner on our two-burner stove and catching up on our Netflix queue.

It’s nice in some ways to get back to basics, but it can also drive me a little stir-crazy. I work from a hotel room for eight hours a day and then spend most of the evening in the same room, so the only thing I want to do at 5 p.m. is take a nice long walk with my iPod so I can drink in the scenery and catch up with my friends at “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me.”

The first time I did this on base, a soccer mom in a minivan destroyed my serenity by flagging me down to tell me (not very nicely, I might add), “You can’t do that here.” Do what? Walk? Listen to commie NPR podcasts? Ohhh, use headphones while walking. I wanted to explain to her that I have evolved enough to master walking/talking/listening/chewing gum all at the same time. Brian and I made a few calls around base, but no one could back up this woman’s claim, so I continued to defy her silly rule.

And then we got this delivered to our door:

*** ALL HANDS BULLETIN *** Please distribute widely ***

WALKING OR RUNNING WITH HEADPHONES/EARPIECES IS PROHIBITED

While running can certainly help improve your health, running while using headphones/earpieces can be equally hazardous to it. With the onset of Spring comes the walkers, runners and bicyclists on roadways or on routes that cross roadways. Who doesn’t like listening to their favorite tunes while being outdoors and enjoying these recreations?

Effective immediately, please be reminded that all tunes will need to be sung or whistled by you because headphones/earpieces are NOT allowed on board any Naval Support Activity South Potomac installation, to include Naval Support Facility (NSF) Dahlgren and NSF Indian Head. The only exception is on trails such as the Railroad Trail, around the football field at Indian Head or the loop behind the gym at Dahlgren – in essence, trails that are closed off from and not adjacent to open roadways. This change was necessitated by the folks that continue to wear headphones while walking/jogging on open roads and on accesses that cross them.

Headphones can distract people from what they’re doing. They mask the direction of sound so that you may not be aware of vehicles beeping or coming up behind you. While base employees and residents were previously allowed to use headphones while walking or jogging on sidewalks, it’s become apparent that they are not being taken off when running on the roadways where  there are no sidewalks at all.

Walkers or joggers found using headphones in areas other than those permitted above will be stopped by Security and asked to remove the headphones. Names of offenders will be forwarded to their command. Repeat offenders could be subject to a range of options from being given a ticket to having on-base driving privileges revoked.

The real punishment, though, often isn’t handed down by Security. While accidents involving headphones do not happen often, the consequences of just one can be devastating. Is this really worth the risk?

R,
CAPT Catie Hanft, USN
Commanding Officer
Naval Support Activity South Potomac

My favorite lines are: “Who doesn’t like listening to their favorite tunes while being outdoors and enjoying these recreations?” and “Names of offenders will be forwarded to their command.” A nice blend of “Hey, I’m cool, I’m with it” and “Haha, suckas, I don’t care!” So does that mean Brian is my command? Will he revoke my privileges if I repeat the offense?

Photo courtesy of Foxtongue’s Flickr photostream