Some Eat to Live; I Live to Eat

I’m a little obsessed with food today because I’m a psychotic masochist and decided to deprive myself of it all day. No, I’m not going all Nicole Richie on you, nor have I been swayed by all the Facebook “Hey, fat bride, you’d better lose a few pounds or your future husband will stop loving you” ads. I just thought I’d try a “detox” diet for a couple days after the complete gluttony I embraced while friends visited throughout April and May. In the last week alone, I consumed a ginormous Port of Call burger, a Domilise’s fried shrimp po-boy, a Camellia Grill BLT and chocolate freeze, various Memorial Day BBQ treats and countless daiquiris, High Lifes and whiskey and cokes. I’m pretty sure if I challenged contestants on “The Biggest Loser” to an eating contest, I would kick some serious ass. And then pass out from overconsumption and malnutrition.

Thus, the detox, which Katie Ide appropriately defines as “just another word for ‘starvation.’ ” I read the book “French Women Don’t Get Fat” a few months ago and loved the cute little Parisian Mireille Guiliano’s approach to healthy living– reasonable portions, moderation, occasional indulgences, fresh foods in season, red wine every day and lots of walking. I support all of this. The only problem is that she recommends you start with a clean slate by detoxing and eating her “magical leek soup” for two days, which is really just onion-flavored water. Kaila and I gave this a good effort today, drinking the broth every two hours as directed and eating actual leeks when we really got hungry. Too bad neither of these things actually stopped us from being hungry. I’ve never done well with fasting (I almost passed out one Good Friday when I tried it) because it simultaneously makes me stupid and mean. By the middle of the afternoon, I found myself wandering aimlessly around the Tchoupitoulas Wal-Mart (since when do I go to Wal-Mart?), trying to remember why I was there and trying not to growl at the cheery greeters.

We threw in the towel tonight at dinnertime. Water is not food, I don’t care how many leeks you boil in it. Kaila and I made a delicious and healthy meal and paired it with a $6 Cabernet Sauvignon, and I don’t think I’ve ever been so thrilled to eat solid food. I got home and started reading all my cookbooks and reviewing the menu Brian and I chose for our reception at Mulate’s (making me hungry all over again).

Call brand open bar (beer, wine, liquor, plus hurricanes, Bloody Marys and margaritas)

Appetizers:
Mini po-boy sandwiches (half with no mayo at my request)
Broiled stuffed mushrooms
Bite-size catfish
Blackened alligator

Buffet dinner:
Crawfish etouffee
Red beans and rice
Chicken and sausage jambalaya
Vegetarian pasta

And I have recovered from my temporary insanity. I’m back to planning dinner while eating lunch… or salivating over a dinner I won’t eat for another eight months. Hallelujah.

Creative Commons image courtesy of austin tx’s Flickr page