Whenever I get together with my girlfriends, a few things tend to happen. 1) We have a couple of drinks, 2) We wear silly costumes, 3) We dance wildly in public places not necessarily meant for dancing and 4) We take hundreds of pictures of us loving on each other.

All four of these things happened in excess the night of my bachelorette party, and I am still coming down from that high. New Orleans didn’t know what it was getting into when it let 20 of us run wild and unchaperoned through the streets.

Smooth, Nicole.

Lovely Loyola ladies.

California girls… so classy.

We took over the top floor of Mimi’s in the Marigny, toasting with champagne, feasting on tapas and shimmying to a washboard band.

I always wanted to be serenaded by a man with a washboard. 

“Ain’t no thang!”

Then we went to our old stomping ground, One Eyed Jacks (formerly the Shim Sham) where Kaila, Parisa and I have spent many a Thursday night tearing up the dance floor to ’80s new wave music and drinking $1 High Lifes.

Oh, my favorite Asian sassypants pixies. 

Arrggghh!

Those long flowing locks…

Scratch that. Those long flowing locks.

It was an amazing night. I love, love, love my girls, and I never thought I would have the chance to see so many of them in the same place at the same time.

Katie Ide and I often say, half-jokingly (but not really), “Why are we so awesome?! I feel sad for people who aren’t us.” I think this perfectly describes all of my girlfriends, a group of women who are as intelligent as they are sassy, as strong as they are generous and as creative as they are hilarious. I looked around that night and saw the women who have seen me at my best and my worst– who comforted me through incoherent sobbing fits, traveled with me halfway across the world, primped with me before big events and slapped some sense into me when I started to talk crazy.

Sista, sista!

To Melia, thank you for being my best friend, mentor and confidante for the past 25 years. You are amazing for planning such a perfect celebration. I adore you.

To my girls who were there and to those who couldn’t make it, I love you all and can’t wait until we can get together again. Vegas next year?

I used to tease Brian by asking obnoxious questions like, “What would you do if I wrote you love letters printed in Papyrus?” or “What if my favorite font were Comic Sans?” Brian was not amused. His answer to the former question was, “If you did that, you’d either not know me at all or you’d know me very well and would be actively trying to hurt me. I don’t know what’s worse.” He wouldn’t even answer the other question.

This may sound silly, but design is very, very important to Bri. He values aesthetics, which I guess I should take as a compliment. He designed all of the printed materials for our wedding, centering them around the quote we used for our save-the-dates: “Love doesn’t make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile” (Franklin P. Jones). Well played, Brian. Well played. Though I think Curlz really would have added a certain something…

Invitation

Map

RSVP postcard

Wedding favor CD label

Wedding CD cover

Wedding CD song list

I told you this would be all out of order. I tried for about five minutes to write about the wedding in sequence, but I’ve already given up the idea that I can think or write in a linear fashion. I’m embracing my moderate-to-severe adult ADD and will write about things as I think about them. It is my blog, after all, so no judgment.

I’d like to take a moment to pay homage to a special man… someone who brings out the best in me and who tries to overlook my flaws and shortcomings. That man, of course, is our wedding photographer, Marc Pagani.

All photos by Marc Pagani

I don’t think I can overstate my adoration for Marc (I swear not in a creepy, I’m-watching-you-right-now kind of way). As a former phot-ho myself, it was really essential for me to find a photographer who would take beautiful, creative and, most importantly, non-vomit-inducing pictures. I feel a little ill every time I see a soft-focus image of a newlywed couple’s left hands intertwined.

I came across the Wedding Photojournalist Association way back in January and thought I had died and gone to heaven. Finally, photographers who take original, interesting photos that really capture the excitement and emotion of weddings.

I looked at all the WPA photographers in New Orleans, and Marc was head and shoulders above the rest. His portfolio was incredible, and I immediately emailed him to see if he was available for our wedding day. At one point, a few other couples were inquiring about January 17 before we had signed a contract and put down a deposit. I told Marc we were prepared to duke it out with these other people and would like to nail down the date before things got ugly. He responded, “I think you could take these other couples if it came to blows.” That’s when I knew we’d get along just fine.

He showed up the morning of the wedding to take getting ready pictures of the girls. I hadn’t slept at all the night before, was wearing no makeup and looked a little like Charlize Theron in that movie where she played a serial killer. HOTT. God bless him, he didn’t take many close-ups until I had finished my coffee and was looking more like a real human female, thanks to the magic of make-up.

For the rest of the day, Marc was amazing. He was a good taskmaster during the group portraits (wrangling 40 people takes a certain kind of patience I don’t possess) and then completely unobtrusive the rest of the day. Whenever the thought, “Oh, that’ll be a nice shot; I hope Marc gets it,” crossed my mind, I’d look around and he’d already be there, shooting away. He may have been a spy before he became a photographer… cat-like reflexes.

We were only supposed to have him shoot until 8 p.m., but the party was just getting into full swing then, so he generously rearranged his schedule so he could stay until 10. If any of y’all are getting married in NOLA soon, I can’t recommend Marc highly enough.

And, as if he needed any more brownie points, he wrote this about us in his wedding photography blog: “Gillian and Brian are one of THOSE couples…you know the type…happy….in love…they make each other laugh…they throw fun parties.  I love shooting THOSE kind of couples!” Awesome. We do throw fun parties.

Check out the rest of Marc’s portfolio and the rest of his photos from our wedding.

At our wedding and rehearsal dinner, we received some beautiful toasts from our friends and family. I pretty much cried and laughed like a crazy person throughout every speech at our wedding, and I’m hoping to post some videos if I can track any down (all you Flip Cam videographers, give me a holla).

Just when I thought I was done getting teary, Lil Lisa sucker punched me with this written tribute. Lisa, we love you, and this is perhaps the nicest thing anyone has ever written about me.

I returned to DC on Sunday from the the best wedding I’ve ever attended. What made it the best was not that it was giant or showy or expensive (none of the above); rather, it was the overwhelming feeling of love and positivity and happiness that surrounds this couple. They are people who open others’ eyes, who make everyone around them better and happier. Bri and Gill are excellent apart, but together they form a beautiful team, a rarity among couples, and a ridiculously good-looking pair. They give me hope for my future, because I want for myself a version of what they already have. They are an inspiration; I am honored and blessed to be part of their lives.

I know I’m not the only person who feels this way. It was fairly evident in the 10 or so toasts that were made at the wedding that everyone they know has a story to share or feelings to express about them (on that note, let’s congratulate Ma and Pa Burgess for not aborting Brian … OK, I’ll leave that speech alone).

And as if they weren’t great enough, they know how to pick some cool, talented friggin’ friends. I haven’t met anyone through them that I DON’T like. Brian’s friends that I hadn’t met before were fun, exciting and hilarious. Gill’s friends were, of course, the same.

To my friends, to all of our mutual college friends, you are the most welcoming, honest, down-to-earth people I know. It’s only among true friends that I am comfortable, willing to be myself without fear of being laughed at or judged. We accept each others’ faults and embrace each others’ strengths, and that isn’t easy to find. We can go months or years without talking and still slip easily into conversation, back into the old groove again. We encourage each other to reach for our dreams and never, ever settle. When someone is down, we do not dwell on the negative, but offer kindness and support until that person is up again. I can’t count the times throughout the past few years where one of you has lent a shoulder or an ear; Gill and Brian supporting me through my West Coast man troubles; Chuck letting me cry on him when I finally realized that my anxiety was too much to handle by myself; Kaila reassuring me and letting me know that I’m not alone; sharing copy desk shenanigans with Katie Ide; and so much more. You have all made me a better person.

If any one of you is ever hurt, I will be there to stand by your side or to elbow the fuck out of the person who caused the pain.

It is my hope that we stay lifelong friends, perhaps because I really want to see some hot biracial babies! Awww yeah. My adopted Chinese daughter is totally gonna marry one of the Burgess-Dicker kids one day.

This is my toast to Brian and Gill – keep doing what you’re doing, don’t stop believin’, et cetera. Get ready for everyone to visit you in Hawaii. Oh, and nothing’s official until it’s on facebook, so you’re not really married yet.

Why, hello, friends. It has been far too long. It seems I went and got married since I last updated No Dowry.

Beautiful photo montage by my cousin, Jeremy Mau

The last time I posted, on January 12, I had these lofty goals for the week of the wedding. I was going to blog daily about the last-minute madness before the wedding– the mini sweatshop of friends putting together wedding favors and centerpieces in our living room, the headache of wrangling florists and babysitters and chauffeurs, the wave of friends and family flying in town before the bachelor/bachelorette parties and rehearsal– and hilarity would ensue.

Yeah… the funny thing about all that madness is that it leaves very little time for witty commentary. I was pretty much a crazy hermit lady with 100 to-do lists instead of 100 cats.

Now that Brian and I are all married and back from our honeymoon, I want to go back and reflect on our wedding weekend in a series of posts (accompanied by lots and lots of photos). I’ve been so wrapped up in planning everything that I didn’t fully grasp how incredible and emotional it would be to celebrate our marriage surrounded by the people who are most important to us.

All weekend, from the bachelorette party to the morning-after recovery party at Molly’s, I kept looking around in amazement at our high school friends, our college friends, our families, our work friends, everyone in one place and getting along famously. I got verklempt more times than I can count. I love you guys, and you made our wedding the best damn party I could have hoped for.

Photo courtesy of Miss Lisa Campo

So, over the next few weeks, you can expect to read more than you ever wanted to know about the following topics (probably not in order and woven in with what’s going on at the moment):

• Last-minute preparations and the final designs from my talented husband (I’ve been practicing using that word, but it still does not come naturally. For the record, I will never use the word “hubby.”)
•  The bachelorette party, organized by my amazing sister and maid of honor, Melia
• The day before the wedding– martinis for lunch and insomnia for dinner
• The wedding day, night and after-party into the wee hours
• The honeymoon– two glorious weeks in Panama and the Caribbean

In the meantime, some of our friends have already written beautiful posts about the wedding. Read and enjoy:

Ide:

• This time, I mean it.
• Blam!

Gener:

• Best Wedding Ever. No. Seriously. Part I.
  
• Part II.
• Part III.
• Part IV.

Lisa:

• where has the time gone? 
• With her permission, I may later post the incredible post-wedding toast she wrote.

Kathleen:

• La Mia Famiglia

Thank the Lord, the day has finally come. We finished our laughably bad pre-cana class tonight. I can’t put the joy and relief we feel into words. This calls for a celebration. Champagne for everyone!

In all fairness, there were a few useful parts of the last two lessons (two out of seven ain’t… well, no, that’s pretty bad). One was about forgiveness in relationships and how important it is in marriage, and there were a couple of good questions that actually encouraged us to talk to each other and not just regurgitate doctrine. OK, a promising start…

And then they threw these questions in: “Do you think watching pornography can hurt your relationship? Why? How can you avoid pornography becoming a problem in your life?”

Wait, what? I thought we were talking about forgiveness! Somehow our conversation about communication and compassion turned into a lecture on the evils of porn. Way to be a buzzkill, people.

Anyway, no use dwelling anymore. The bottom line is we are DONE. And they have to let us pass go and receive our certificate of participation… even after they read the very long feedback questionnaire we filled out after our last lesson. We win!

Because of that title, Brian is probably going to read this post right away (if so, “Hi, honey”). I would. Curiosity always gets the best of me. And luckily, I’m not one of those people who thinks the groom should have absolutely no idea what the bride’s wedding dress looks like. Having some mystery and excitement around the dress if fun, but seeing a piece of fabric on a mannequin and seeing it on me on the wedding day are two very different things. At least I hope so because otherwise, I would be missing some critical body parts that would make walking down the aisle very tricky.

Anyway, here are recent pictures of Kaila’s masterpiece (thanks for taking them, Kathleen!):

Action shot. Doesn’t it look like Kai is practicing how she’s going to booty dance with me at the reception? I am a LADY, Kaila!

Hey, eyes up here, everyone. Jeez. 

It’s getting pretty real. T- 11 days…

I have been Catholic long enough to realize there are just some things the Church and I will never see eye to eye on. Women’s role in the Church/the family/pretty much anything, homosexuality and contraception are at the top of the list. I sometimes like to visualize the Catholic Church as a very old, slightly senile distant relative who goes on and on about how things were back in his day and who sometimes makes inappropriate comments about “broads” and “Orientals” getting too uppity. He means well, but we can agree to disagree, and I try to let some things slide because of his age.

Apparently, this method does not fly with our pre-cana instructors. The last three lessons have strongly focused on why using contraception is a sin against God and why we must not follow our own consciences on the matter because they are only properly informed when dictated by the teachings of the Church.

You can follow along with two of the articles we had to read: “Humanae Vitae and Conscience” and “Contraception: Why Not” (not “Contraception: Why Not?” as Jules thought it was), both written by Professor Janet Smith, whose condescending writing style and lack of factual evidence make me want to go against my “WWJD” policy.

The article cover page (I can’t make this up) is the only thing that got me through these lessons. 

The gist of the first article is how ridiculous it is that Catholics think they are smarter than the Church and how no one can opt out of the Church’s teachings on contraception. The second is a rambling account of how the Pill destroys morality, increases unwanted pregnancies, abortions and divorces and is generally responsible for all evil in the world.

Sorry, guys. I’m not gonna play. I do not accept that it is wrong to plan when you are ready and willing to have children. If you choose to do that with Natural Family Planning (NFP), more power to you. If you choose to use some form of contraception, great. Having kids is a major life change, not to mention a pretty significant financial commitment, so I am all for people being responsible and not procreating until they’re good and ready.

What makes me most angry about these “lessons” on contraception is that they aren’t intended to spark debate or discussion. They are simply a lecture on why Church doctrine will always outweigh our personal beliefs. Case closed. There were very few essay questions or opportunities to ask questions or express an opinion, just a series of leading multiple choice questions. I started answering them the way I wanted to, then deleting some of my responses and writing slightly more diplomatic answers.

Then there were the questions I had to give answers I knew were “wrong.”

Yes, the Pill is the reason more couples divorce. If a couple is struggling with a difficult marriage, you know what would be a good fix? More kids.

It’s just insane to blame more unwanted pregnancies on one sole factor in the last 40 years. Plus, if the unwanted pregnancy rate has gone up since the 1960s when women started using birth control, can you imagine what it would be without the Pill?

I’m sorry, but that’s just not accurate. As one friend who used to work for an OB/GYN said, “We used to have a nickname for women who used Natural Family Planning. We called them ‘Mommy.'” NFP has a few different methods, but it involves recording different bodily factors (such as basal body temperature and cervical mucus changes) to determine when a woman is ovulating.

Most sources I found (like the one sponsored by the National Institute of Health) cite the statistic that 15 to 20 women out of 100 get pregnant each year using NFP. The Pill results in 2 to 3 pregnancies out of 100 when no pills are missed. The “withdrawl” method, by contrast, gets about 7 to 22 women out of 100 pregnant every year. I can’t get excited about a 15 to 20 percent failure rate, though measuring my cervical mucus does sound fun.

And then there’s that. I might have laughed at the Hall and Oates reference if it weren’t misspelled and if I weren’t too busy throwing up in my mouth.

So, what do y’all think, particularly those of you who are Catholic? Do you agree with the Church or do you think we should be able to follow our consciences?

I’ve got plenty to write about at the moment, but with the holidays and only 15 days until our wedding (the ewedding.com site tells me tauntingly every time I sign in), blogging just sounds like another item on my frightening to-do list. I’m so Jessie Spano on caffeine pills: There’s no time! There’s never any time!

I’m not the crazy Bridezilla sobbing in the corner because she can’t get the caterers to fold the napkins into tiny origami swans. I’m the burnt-out girl who is tired of spreadsheets and has decided maybe she’s done enough planning. We will have a ceremony in a real church with a real priest, we have guaranteed there will be food, booze and music for the entire reception and we’re 98.5 percent sure all family members/wedding party attendants will show up clean, sober and on their best behavior. Everything else is just gravy.

Bri and I started a new spreadsheet in our Google doc of terror called “Current To-Do List,” which now houses all the random tasks we still need to handle. The most satisfying part of my day is using the strikethrough  to cross of completed items. Best. Thing. Ever.

I have learned some interesting tidbits while working through the to-do list:

• You know when the newly married couple jumps into a Rolls Royce or a horse and carriage (maybe more in New Orleans than in other places) and rides away from the church? That shit is expensive! I called Royal Carriages, what Google tells me is the only game in town, and the guy told me for 30 minutes it would be $325! Oh, but it includes a driver in a tux and a white carriage, so it’s cool. And it’s not even a horse pulling the carriage; it’s a mule. The classic car would be $485 for a two-hour minimum, so if we wanted to skip dinner and drive around town, it would be perfect.

• I can’t find anywhere in New Orleans that recycles wine bottles. The city has never been very green, but since the storm, it’s been really difficult to find recycling. The city doesn’t offer it yet, but Chuck and I have been using Phoenix Recycling at our place since I moved back. It’s been great, but recently it announced it can no longer accept glass because the Recycling Foundation of Baton Rouge can’t find markets for all the glass it takes in. I’ve been researching other recycling programs in NOLA but can’t find any that take green or brown glass (the Tulane glass studio will accept clear glass). I’m pretty sure we will be consuming a fair amount of wine at the reception, and I hate to throw bottles away. Does anyone know of an alternative option in the city?

• Good babysitters are hard to find when hardly any of your friends have children. We’ve sent out a few emails to the few friends who do have kids, asking for recommendations, but we haven’t had any luck so far. We need a couple of sitters who can handle 10+ chillen during the reception and help out with the nieces and nephews during the rehearsal dinner. If you know anyone who would be good,  I will buy you a bottle of wine or a jug of sangria, whichever you prefer.

• Enlisting help from family and friends is an awesome idea. Brian’s parents are organizing the rehearsal dinner at Mandina’s, my mom was a huge help in selecting the music and readings for the ceremony, my dad has been trying to dig us up a classic car through his automotive connections, Melia is pitching in on a bunch of mundane tasks I don’t feel like doing, Chuck is updating the RSVP list while I’m out of town (into categories of “people who love Gill” and “people who don’t love Gill”), Kaila is slaving away finishing my dress, the bridesmaids bought their bridesmaidy things months ago and are now focusing on keeping me relatively sane… And even more of our peeps will be bending over backwards to help us in the next few weeks. Much appreciated. Y’all are fabulous.

• Our pre-cana instructors are certifiable. Seriously. We’ve decided the lessons and their responses are less Catholic and more born-again Christian. Under no circumstances should any of you take pre-cana through Catholic Marriage Preparation, Inc. (and yes, that is the real name). Stay tuned for a post on our lessons covering contraception and why the Church trumps conscience and common sense.

Phew, as awesome as those pre-cana lessons are… let’s not get too carried away with the fun. The real question is: where’s the dance party?

You might not know this, but I like dancing. A lot. I know, it’s a shocker, but sometimes I let my hair down, loosen up my proper, ladylike demeanor and just dance it out. This, for example, will probably happen at the reception:

We’re using Crescent City DJ for our reception, and the company has a pretty sweet Web site where you can search through their huge music database and request songs for three playlists: “Must Play,” “Play if Possible” and “If You Play This, I Will Strangle You With My Bare Hands.” Sweet! Here are some we have so far:

Must Play

1. No Diggity- Blackstreet
2. Twist and Shout- The Beatles
3. SexyBack- Justin Timberlake
4. Shoop (of course)- Salt ‘n’ Pepa
5. Brown Eyed Girl (it’s about me)- Van Morrison
6. Bust a Move- Young MC
7. Crazy Little Thing Called Love- Queen
8. Don’t Stop Believin’- Journey
9. Tainted Love (not a commentary on our relationship)- Soft Cell
10. In Da Club- 50 Cent

Play if Possible

1. Modern Love- David Bowie
2. Kiss- Prince
3. Baby One More Time (what?)- Britney Spears
4. Stagger Lee- Lloyd Price
5. Bonnie & Clyde- Beyonce and Jay-Z
6. California Love- 2Pac & Dr. Dre
7. I Saw Her Standing There- The Beatles
8. Take On Me- a-Ha
9. Build Me Up Buttercup- The Foundations
10. Word Up- Cameo

Play And I Will Cut You

1. Dancing Queen- ABBA
2. Conga- Gloria & the Miami Sound Machine
3. Who Let the Dogs Out- Baha Men
4. Every Breath You Take (creepy stalker song)- The Police
5. I Will Always Love You (totally a break-up song)- Whitney Houston or Dolly Parton
6. Limbo Rock- Chubby Checker
7. Macarena- Los Del Rio
8. Any other group participation dance song you can think of (the chicken dance, conga line, limbo… except perhaps the cha-cha slide and one round of the electric slide)
9. We Are Family- Sister Sledge
10. I’ll Make Love to You (a. awkward lyrics and b. reminds me of 7th grade dances)- Boyz II Men

I would love some input here. We want a good blend of ’80s, top 40/hip-hop, oldies, swing and a few slow songs thrown in there. So tell me this, what three songs would you add to each of those lists?